Thursday, April 17, 2008

Why I can't skate and chew gum at the same time

My partner Tim chews gum on the ice. I am sure he does this out of courtesy since we are in close proximity, breathing hard, spewing sweat and snot and sometimes blood at each other. Bad breath would just be uncivilized on top of all that.

Me, on the other hand - I figure what the hell. I try to avoid garlic and onions most of the time and hope for the best. This is because when I was growing up my coach used to make us spit out our gum before getting on the ice, citing numerous cases of kids who fell while skating and choked to death on their gum, or gum that fell on the ice causing someone else to trip and break their neck. Years of hearing and believing these stories as an impressionable youth made it inconceivable for me to chew gum while skating.

I told Tim that he shouldn't chew gum on the ice because I feared for his safety, so he looked it up on the INTERNET and told me that it's impossible to choke to death on gum, and that these stories are all just urban legend. He said this with a lot of authority and a mouthful of sugar-free Trident, so of course I believed him. Based on his extensive research I'm OK with him chewing gum now, even though I don't chew it myself on the ice.

So yesterday when something gray-green and minty fresh went flying out of his mouth, and he caught it in his hand before it hit the ice without missing a beat, I had to stop and laugh. And since it's a slow news day here in skate land I guess I am blogging about gum today. Chew on!


Lisa Hoberg, DVM said...

Terri - You are hilariuos!

I, too, have been plagued with those fears of "death by gum swallowing" imposed onto me by those early coaches... rink policy and all of that.

TnT said...

Lisa - We are scarred for life by our gum phobia.

Gordon said...

I'm not scared of it, but I did once get some on my blades (it was apparently on the ground, NOT on the ice) and it was really annoying to have to get it off 'em.

Apparently I often have my tongue hanging out of my mouth when doing BXOs, so now I'm terrified I'll get the Click of Death and bite my tongue off. *sigh*