What is up with falling down?

This is the second time in as many practices that I've had a fall where I went straight down directly onto my hind parts. These were quick falls, as in "one moment I'm up, then boom, I'm sitting down." Both were from pretty much a standstill and had no "slide" to take away some of the impact.

Eskimos have many, many words for "snow." Likewise, skaters should have a full lexicon of terms for different types of falls in order to do justice to their differences. In skaterspeak, I would describe this type of fall as a sheer-drop-straight-down-no-slide-single-impact-booming-buttfall. That name doesn't really capture the moment though. It's something I'll have to think about. Stay tuned for future blogging brilliance on this topic.

Now my back hurts but that could also be from the lift we are teaching ourselves. It's a cantilever that we're trying to do without any support other than my legs, which are wrapped around Tim's leg while he's doing a spread eagle. Right now we are holding on with one arm each (for about 2 seconds, then I need his other arm or I start sliding down toward the ice).

Clearly I will need to hit the gym, and ask a personal trainer how to get more "leg squeeze strength." I hope I can say that with a straight face, especially when I have to demonstrate what it looks like. Right, I'll probably say, "I need to be able to support 100% of my own body weight with my legs by wrapping them around someone else's leg. Then I have to hang there parallel to the ice ... uh, ground ... while someone watching counts to 3, like this: 'one-one-thousand-two-one-thousand-three-one-thousand.'" (Then I have to use my abs to pull myself back upright so that I can go into a "skate-to-the-head" position, but I'll tell that to the yoga teacher so two people can make fun of me.)

Yeah, I really have nothing to lose, they already think skaters are freaks at the gym anyway ("yeah Joe, so this woman comes into the gym, wants to increase her "leg squeeze strength" ... needs to be able to contort herself, but only for 3 seconds ... and has some ginormous bruises on her butt. Should I call the cops?")

And to think that I had a problem with the rocker foxtrot!